I was a size 9, here. And I finally have accepted that this was skinny. I was healthy. I weighed about 140. But this is the thing. I realized that while it was in result of my eating disorder, it didn’t eat away fat. It ate away my muscle. I was STILL 33% fat, and it upset me to hear that. And on top of that, size doesn’t matter. I was a size 9. I look like I could have been smaller, but the only reason sizes exist is to make shopping easier. It’s not an insult, it’s not a definition- it’s for convenience. 

I would look at myself in the mirror and hate my body. I called myself fat and ugly, and I legitimately believed that I was.

Today, I look at these pictures and say “One day, I will get back to this the healthy way.” And I will. I am so determined. & I saw, I was skinny and i’d give anything to be this way again, BUT I won’t hurt my body to achieve this. My body deserves food, care, and love. It needs it to function. I know what it’s like to suffer and to want to not move, and to not have any energy. I know that because even though, when you look at these pictures, I was skinny.. It wasn’t achieved in a proper manner and so it was useless. 

I’m doing what I can to love my body today at 195 because it deserves the best. I have to accept it until I change. While I struggle like no other, I’ll get there and I am so excited to get there.

Baby steps.

If I can do it, you can do it, too. <3

Stay beautiful <3 

(I’m the one in the black and white dress, next to the pink one)
1 year ago | 04:16pm
5 notes #me #old #goal #dresses #accept your body
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